Let me start with analogising rejection and its prevalence in our society. Of course, my following elaboration will depend entirely upon the premise that all have seen the Mummy. You know the one about, wait for it… A mummy who comes back from the dead and wants to resurrect his dearly beloved from the depth of the underworld with the sacrificial human beauty evident in Evelene?
You’ve seen it! Great we are off to a good start. Now, back to rejection, I like to think of its presence like those of the Mosquitos that swarm furiously in the air when the spell of the afterlife had been uttered. Rejection shares in this predatory behaviour, for most of us rejection is arbitrary and comes at anytime and any place in our lives. Usually, the sporadical nature of the rejection makes it even more unbearable as we don’t deal with it on a daily basis. This is why I compare it to the flock of Mosquitos. They come rarely, but when they do they are terrifying and vicious leaving a more damaging crater in your ego than would have been if you faced rejection, let’s say once every 2 days.
As humans we are no elastic bands. For most of us, it is very easy for us to decide not to spring back and to cave into the abundance of negativity and emotions that prevail in a time of rejection. Some may share traits similar to mine and indulge in gallons of ice cream and copious other amount of carbs that can be found or others may prefer a more substance relation coping mechanism. Either way, literally, both of the preferences of indulgence are not healthy and need to be curbed if possible.
How do we over come rejection…
Step one: Recognition
To really feel and to really grasp your situation you must, first, accept it to be true. I suppose I’m unspecific when looking at rejection as a concept. I mean any type from lovers rejection, friends rejection, business relation rejection or even social rejection. You cannot overcome or evade the feelings that come with rejection by burrying your head in the sand and trying to convince yourself otherwise. Sure, it may work for the moment, but moments pass and you’ll realise instead of dealing with your rejection, you just pressed pause on the reality remote and left the emotions to fester making them even harder to combat.
Step two: Share your anguish
Woah. Some of you may be thinking, why must I share my feelings and embarrassment with other people? What weirdo would want to enhance their humiliation. I say humiliation because, usually a convention that is deduced from rejection is the humiliation of being rejected. But believe it or not people, sharing is caring and you’ll find that to share a burden is a burden weakened. I feel like if you don’t speak about something you attach with it a certain power. Like Voldermort. We don’t say his name but the ambivalence that comes with it denotes a certain mystic and power!
If you don’t talk about your rejection and keep it concealed to the point of frustration, you give it a power it needn’t have. Why can’t you talk about it with other people? What is it the humiliation? We’ll wake up, millions and billions of people have endured rejection and have precious insight and advice which can retrieved you from your hole of despair. Even if you don’t want people to know or you are ashamed, share it in writing or in digital mediums don’t have the weight of the world on your shoulders if that’s not your only options.
Step three: Recovery
You’ve faced it, you’ve share it what else is there to do but to build a golden bridge and climb over it? To recover form rejection you must have throughly thought about it and accepted all the facts and baggage that comes with it. This way, once you’ve finally gotten over it there will be nothing to draw you back and to remind yourself of the pain because you’ve already gotten over every aspect.
Now, all that is left is to live and learn. The better you learn to deal with rejection the easier it is to get over the next one. I cried at my first ever intern rejection and it was mortifying. I was left questioning why aren’t I good enough? Is that it am I going to be turned down from everywhere? And about 1 hour ago I had another rejection, instead of crying as I would have done a year ago, I just shared it and got over it because I’ve decided to take each rejection as a learning curb. Additionally, I adopted the motto, everything happens for a reason. Whilst this may not be true, it softens the reality.
Final stage: try again…
Don’t be scared to take chance and risks in fear of rejection. It is the sponteneity of situations that gives it their spark and their excitement but many people seldom take risks because of the concequences that may arise. Why didn’t you ask that hot guy or girls out? Were you scared they would laugh and say no! Why didn’t you apply for that job? Because you got rejected form just like it a while back? Why didn’t you ask if you could go to that party? Scared you wouldn’t fit in?
If those rhetorics are true I beseech you reconsider, how are they sufficient to hold you back from a good time or a potentially life changing decision? If we all stumbled and faltered at the last hurdle and threw in the towel imagine how many things would not have been invented or how may love stories would never have seen their blissful beginning?
Rejection is only a life lesson, we endure lessons and learn from them. They only have power if you allow them to prevail.