A letter to a dad who gets things wrong…

Pops,

I hate that you’re camera shy because it made it super difficult to find a picture with you in… I’m still digging a hole in the mountain of memories which your (too an extent) ‘beautiful’ face has alluded so strategically. But why so shy? You made me and you think I’m a pearl of the world so, scientifically, there must be a correlation. I’ve made my own assumptions anyhow…

  1. You killed a man in your youth and are living a secret life in which, you must stay hidden
  2. You have a secret desire to be David Bailey and prefer to be the camera man
  3. You’re secretly a decedent of Vlad The Impaler and well… You actually can’t be photographed
  4. Or you’re the Doctor and need to be evasive and concealed

I’m secretly gravitating towards option 3 (comment your preferred below). Although I found this super cool picture of you… But the sun has, conveniently, blanked you out, so I doubt I’m right. 

 
But on this day of yours I want you to know, that being a Dad probably isn’t your dream job, I know you love John Wayne movies and loads of World War 1/2 movies and fancy yourself as the hero of everyone’s story… But to mine, you are. 

You freak out violently when I’m ill, like the day before yesterday where I fainted because of my illness and you panicked and fled leaving my mum to restore me to life. Which, in actuality makes sense as she is the ‘giver of life’ so I guess you did me a favour. But I’m not mad, because I know being a parent scares you and it’s okay but, advice for the future? If I am alone, with no mum or anyone else in our humble abode… Please don’t flee, I’ll probably really need your help in this instance.  (One of the gifts to do my this year was Fury with Brad Pitt so he can grow some courage) 

On Fathers Day, I don’t particularly, want to blow up your canvas of flaws because there is no canvas big enough! Nevertheless, we all need a mine of darkness to dig out the most valuable rocks to are worth holding onto. You’re kinder than a charity fundraiser who works independent of a payroll. Remember that time we were stuck on the motorway for 4hours and we had one gum left and you ate it but let me eat from your secret stash of chocolate? Yeah,I appreciated  that. (I also bought him a pack of gum for Father’s Day)

You’re more stylish and cool and another Dad I know, and technically, I didn’t know David Beckham personally, so you make the top spot! You dress really cool and I want to believe it’s because you don’t want to embarrass me in public and also want to look like a World Class Gentlemen… At least you have that going for you and this brings me to another gift I so generously got for you… (Abercrombie & Fitch Shirt and Hugo Boss cuff links)…

And finally, dad, you are a ball of wisdom and I know you think you’re more wise that the willow in Pocohontus and Gandalf but sometimes… I have to check your pupils because most of what you say is just rambles. But I deduce sense from them and for your effort to guide me to a future of light and prosperity… I thank you, my favourite bit of advice- ‘if a guy wants to date you he needs to know the Bible inside out’.

I’ll explain briefly, my Dad believes it impossible to know the bible thoroughly, so to demand it as a must have quality, a guy that really wanted me and cared for me would go to the effort and commit to the task of achieving this criteria. Along the way, he’d learn valuable lessons about how to be a good guy.

So anyway… Happy Father’s Day Pops, I know you hate cards and I hate buying them so here’s a blog post in your honour. 

Here’s a few thanks 

  1. Thanks for reading me every Harry Potter Book ever when I couldn’t read and even when I could 
  2. Thanks for teaching me to make a killer fire… That will help whenever I’m lost in the woods
  3. Thanks for teaching me how to drive and keeping your cool, in return you kept your car intact
  4. Thanks for being my financial benefactor for the last 18 years
  5. Thank you for being such an ass at times that I’ve come to recongise you at your best
  6. Thanks for sticking up for me at parents evening 
  7. Thanks for being proud of me in all that I’ve achieved 
  8. And thanks for getting it wrong… It made me feel better about being a 4/10 daughter at times,
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