Ladies, Gentlemen and those in between-bad joke?- I give you what all scientists have failed to invent, the lurveeeeeee factory.
Our consumer policy entails these fabulous guarantees…
- They will look like a figament of your imagination, but better
- They will not run off with your sister, mother, friend or granny
- They will text you back after your date
- Other woman/man/other? Don’t fret it
- There will be NO debauchery (drug, alcohol, gambling, knitting?)
- You need a job done WITHOUT complain? You’ve got it
- They will be able to cook better than Mary Berry and Gordan Ramsay
- Your enemy? Their enemy
- My favourite… You are ALWAYS right
And our favourite, there is a mute button included (for your convenience)
IF ONLY (snaps back to reality) oh my, if only the factory of dreams existed , yeah some of you will be thinking. I like the arguments –and making up- they keep a relationship healthy! Well some of us want what we buy into, we are constantly seduced by the infamous Honeymoon Phase and when that fades arguments about which your hanging out turn into why aren’t we hanging out! (Interpret ‘hanging out’ how you wish).
With all the great minds of the age where is our Chocolate Factory? I mean Love Factory! If it were to exist Paddy McGuinness would be our Willy Wonka!
Here would be my my lover, my baby, my dream…
Readers, if you know someone who encompasses my lustful desire PLEASE, I beseech you… Get them to appear at my door with a cheese pizza!