Free House Facts…what reallyyyyy happens

That beautiful moment when you arrive home and there are NO cars stationed in your drive reminding you that what awaits you is the Spanish Inquisition (Where were you, who were you with, why are you wearing that…)or the impending doom of a messy room. Even that feeling when you wake up and hear nothing… You hear nothing but freedom. Yes, you are right, I am talking about the luxury of a free house! Your Kingdom awaits you.

We all have this crazy but distorted dream about how it should go. But the conundrum is appeasing the expectations placed upon having a free house. 

Expectations of a free house…

  1. Massive Project X party with an open invitation to all
  2. A princess diary mattress surfing race with all you’re friends
  3. Reenacting The Great British Bake Off devouring every ingredient disposable 
  4. Music pumped up super loud that the whole house shakes 
  5. Walking around stark naked whilst dancing the cha cha slide
  6. Inviting round the significant other and having sex all over the house
  7. Getting super creative and making an abominable mess; if you’re anything like Ronan Atwood then…

  
But for many, this couldn’t be further from the truth. I wish my life was as spontenious and exhilarating as it would be if I complied with the expectations. But when I get a free house I am more likely going to dull it out a it more than these fabulous suggestions because it is in my nature to be a sloth when I’m in my own company.

These are MY Free House Facts 

  1. Peeing with the door open
  2. Music relatively loud as my speakers are pretty basic
  3. Testing out wacky make up techniques and looking like Krusty the Clown
  4. TV freedom
  5. Ordering a feast of Pizza’s and taking money from ‘the pot‘ to pay for it
  6. Lighting a million candles in the bath with a glass of wine
  7. Once I did get a it crazy and staged a burglary (this anecdote could be my next post)
  8. Eating ice cream straight from the tub 
  9. Lounging in my PJ’s all day 
  10. Dancing around the house pretending I’m on Britians Got Talent

Not that exciting I’m aware but they are nonetheless the facts of a free house for the majority of people. Not because we aren’t crazy lunatics who want to breach every rule dictated to us but because we are tired, moany and fed up teenagers who want to just chill every now and then without the fire breathing dragons forcing us to be active and ‘useful’.

    

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